Waiting in the Dark

I am a fixer.

I like to find solutions to my problems and make it so that they aren’t problems anymore. It gets tricky, though, when I’m faced with something that I can’t control. I realize that God has plans for those situations, but, truthfully, I don’t like being in the dark about why I am where I am.

Such has been the case lately at our house. Frustrating circumstances that seem to grow with each day. It’s hard to understand why. I love so many people that are also going through unimaginably hard things. I really don’t have the answers.

But these are a few verses that have been speaking to my heart lately. They first challenged and comforted me when we were going through a really difficult time in our marriage a few years ago. And now, here they are again:

“Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment.” Isaiah 50:10-11

I’ll be the first to admit that it’s counter-intuitive to wait and trust when you’re in darkness. I like seeing (thank you very much). But, the promised result of conjuring up my own “light” isn’t exactly a great alternative. It’s in the dark, hard places that I learn who God really is and that he can be trusted.

If I choose not to wait, though, I may miss it. My self-made light may seem fine, brilliant even, for a little while, but it will end in ashes. You see, I don’t have the abilities and resources to provide myself with all of the wonderful things that God has planned for me.

His provision is enough. It’s more than enough. It’s perfect.

So I will wait in my darkness. Wait for His light to come shining through and light up my way. He will not abandon me.

My circumstances may not change in a day, but His mercies will be new with each morning. And so I can face them again tomorrow.

Easier said than done.