So, my first instinct after writing the last post was to DELETE it. I fretted over if I really wanted to do this.I edited it before anyone, save 1 or 2 critics, read it. I wrote it 3 days before I shared it. I really debated about whether or not to post it to facebook. It’s just so…public. You sorta lose control over knowing who your audience is. I was worried about what people would think of it. Not so much about what someone might think about my writing or my opinions, but would they understand what I was trying to say?
Sheesh! you might say. Why the heck am I doing it if I’m so worried about it? Part of my stress implies that I’m assuming people will actually be reading my blog! Can you tell I over think things? Well, all of my concern about it is part of the reason that I think I should do this blog. I’m hoping that I’ll become less perfectionistic with time.
That’s why I will NEVER be writing a book.
It’s too permanent. There are a million ways to say something, and I don’t think I would ever be satisfied enough with the way I express something to put it in hard copy for the world to see.
Also, I think out loud. My poor husband, who is the exact opposite, has had to learn to patiently wait for me to verbally sort through all my thoughts to decide how I really feel about something. And, I’m (we both are) analytical. What a combination! It’s a wonder I ever shut my mouth. (Stop it! I know that some of you are laughing right now)
You know what’s even more ironic? My name, Samantha, means listener! I’ve always felt a little like it is the thorn in my side, always there…reminding me that I feel a bit like a fraud.
A month or so ago, I was playing Imaginiff… with my husband’s family. The question was about me. Something about which person would I be on a construction site. EVERYONE, except me, voted on the one barking orders to people.
I was mortified. (They reassured me that they just meant that I’m good at delegating, and am not mean about it, but still!)
Did I really seem like that person? And how did everyone know that about me? I’m afraid of admitting that part of my personality (to myself, even), but apparently I’m not very good at hiding it!
I’ve been told, on more than one occasion, that they think people misunderstand me.
What does that mean? How do people see me?
No one (at least, I think) likes to feel misunderstood.
The truth is, there are good things about being strong. Being verbal. Being concerned with what’s right. But strengths can be weaknesses and vice-versa. The trick is to be honest with yourself about what those are and then work at maximizing the parts where it’s a strength and minimizing the parts where it’s a weakness. That’s why getting comfortable with admitting certain aspects of my character is one of my Resolutions for 2012.
*DIY jewelry rack post to follow! soon…hopefully.